Genus Unknown
Cultist
Committed for Life
Posts: 1186
Spam Buster
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« Reply #45 on: January 05, 2012, 05:10:02 PM » |
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Holy crap, I just saw my uncle Bill for the first time in over ten years, and that motherf***er's nuts. I never noticed how creepy he was when I was a kid, but damned if it doesn't feel like talking to Jerry Sandusky. I actually found myself thinking of the old man in "The Picture in the House," in that I was stuck on a couch having to make conversation with the guy, but "The Electric Executioner" is a better fit.
A few things about said uncle Bill:
1.) He has stories about flying in the Air Force, but he has bad eyes and seizures. There's no way he would have been allowed to fly. But he seems to believe the stories.
2.) He constantly makes inappropriate sexual and scatological comments in every conversation.
3.) He won a bunch of money from one of those mail sweepstakes, but opted to take it in small installments for fear that they would have him killed.
4.) He is (or was back when I saw him regularly) rewriting the Bible in a series of notebooks. Just... just because there's some stuff he figured needed changing, I guess.
5.) One time when I was visiting him and my grandma over the summer, I woke up in the middle of the night to hear him beating up a friend of my dad's named Ronnie in the next room. I don't know what Ronnie was doing there, but I eventually fell asleep again. He's never said a word about it.
...
So yeah, ol' uncle Bill is... a character. Frankly the man makes my skin crawl.
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catamount
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« Reply #46 on: January 08, 2012, 05:15:12 PM » |
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If Uncle Bill ever shows an interest in ancient, unspeakable tomes, Genus...RUN!!!!
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'Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.'
Robert E. Howard, "The Tower of the Elephant"
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Bob Lovecraft
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« Reply #47 on: January 09, 2012, 08:50:36 AM » |
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A few years back, I was at the grocery store picking up a few things. I head to the bread shelf and some guy is standing there looking at the bread. I assume he is making a selection, so I wait my turn. After a solid minute, he notices me waiting, and straightens up. I see that he's at least 4 or 5 inches taller than me, large and muscular, and dressed like your average citizen, which made it all the creepier to me when stepped back and motioned me to the shelf saying in a deep, almost reverent tone, "Bread, bread, bread! I loves me some bread! I could eat it all day long!" I looked at him to politely agree, and then leave, when I noticed this disturbingly manic smile he was wearing.
It struck me that this guy really was serious. He LOVED bread. He seemed completely capable of gazing at that bread rack for the entire day in happy revery of great bread he had enjoyed in the past. When, after getting a few more things, I happened to pass by the rack a few minutes later, he was still standing the looking at the bread, his gaze traveling back and forth over the loaves, that contented smile on his face. He glanced at me and smiled. I paid for my stuff and got the hell out of there.
Bob
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If someone ever dares you to read the Necronomicon out loud... just say no.
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Eric Lofgren
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« Reply #48 on: January 09, 2012, 12:09:02 PM » |
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About 3 or 4 years ago I was at the local library checking out the 'most popular' shelf and this pleasant looking old guy comes up to me and starts talking to me about physics. I may have been leafing through a science book at the time, I don't recall for certain, but damn if this guy wasn't a brain. He starts going into particle particle physics, astro physics, astronomy, the works. Then, and I don't recall how it went in this direction, he starts slamming China and Chinese people big time. Basically laying all the ills of the future at their feet. To which all I could do at that point was just nod and smile occasionally and wait for this guy to leave. Keep in mind that while I enjoy discussions about science and especially astronomy, this guy was talking like a professor, so I was pretty much just listening in fascination as he talked. But then the hate diatribe started about the Chinese, so I was pretty much quiet this whole time from start to finish  The contrast between his points of view and the way the one lead to the other was startling. |
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old book
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« Reply #49 on: January 12, 2012, 10:46:42 AM » |
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This didn't happen to me, but it seems to fit for some reason.
I lived in a smallish town where a lot of drifters came through. There was this one guy who was the latest new drifter with these crazy eyes who did crazy things in public. So anyway, a friend of mine was hanging out with him after the bars closed one night, sitting there talking to him to tease out the sane guy within, or just making conversation. All of a sudden my friend sees this light in the sky. It's moving all wrong for a plane, and doesn't blink. He starts thinking, wow, this guy isn't crazy, he's in touch with aliens or something. My friend is a bit of an astronomical novice, he knows Venus and Mercury and all the normal features of the sky. He's completely taken aback and shook up at the appearance of this UFO light. So he turns to the homeless drifter, who is silent at this point, and asks him if he saw that. "You're nuts, man, there's no such as UFOs" the crazy man says, and leaves in a hurry to get away from the crazy man.
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We live on a placid Rhode Island and Providence Plantations of ignorance in the midst of the black seas of an infinity of dark foreigners, and it was not meant that we should voyage too far.
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Eric Lofgren
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« Reply #50 on: January 12, 2012, 06:35:16 PM » |
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Oh man, old book, that should be a comic strip or something. That is hilarious |
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old book
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« Reply #51 on: January 13, 2012, 10:17:32 AM » |
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Eric: True story. Take it, it's yours, I give you the full rights to this story. When my friend told it to me, it took me a while to realize it's complicated like a Zen koan.
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We live on a placid Rhode Island and Providence Plantations of ignorance in the midst of the black seas of an infinity of dark foreigners, and it was not meant that we should voyage too far.
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