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You know you've read too much Lovecraft when...
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Author Topic: You know you've read too much Lovecraft when...  (Read 24586 times)
Parallaxicality
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« on: June 19, 2011, 03:07:12 AM »

[Lambda posting his/her HPL survival guide inspired me to post this Smiley]


1. You tell your sweetheart that her eyes are eldritch

2. You quit your six figure job at CERN for fear of opening up terrifying vistas of reality.

3. You refuse to leave home when the moon is gibbous.

4. You demand that your national library grant you access to its copy of the Necronomicon.

5. You shout out in the middle of a church service that the Old Ones will soon return, shouting and killing and revelling in joy, and all the Earth will flame with a Holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.

6. You blame the poor quality of your shoes on the degenerate Asiatics who manufactured them.

7. You develop an uneasy attraction to fish and white gorillas.

8. You seal yourself up in your house, block out the windows and refuse to look at yourself in a mirror.

9. You refuse to watch Blade Runner or Aliens because they feature trapezihedral buildings.

10. When a contractor informs you that your house is subsiding, you demand he dig until he finds the temple causing it.
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MediaGhost
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« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2011, 03:43:16 AM »

Bwa!   Cheesy  I think I've been personally guilty of 1, 3, 7 & 8 at various times.
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"...there's more ammo for being a meeting room smartass in Lovecraft than any other author."
Mirko Stauch
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« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2011, 07:20:52 AM »

GREAT!  Grin
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Is  that English?
Yes, Sir, my teacher told me so!

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TransconaSlim
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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2011, 08:40:18 AM »

The other day, friends of mine where telling me about there trip to the (self proclaimed) largest mine in the World in Hibbing, Minnestoa.  She was saying that it was soooooo big that her kids couldn't understand that the very tiny trucks at the bottom of the open mine where as large as the very massive trucks they where playing on in the educational center. 

I told her, "you better be careful, if they can correlate the contents of that mine, they may go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."
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Lambda
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« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2011, 09:18:40 AM »

Awesome!  Grin

11. You like to visit the graveyard hoping to meet some ghouls (hey, they're nice!)

12. You feel uneasy when around old, possibly abandoned churches.

13.  You ask the arabian immigrant living in your street where to get a copy of the kitab al-azif

14. You attend a maths lecture about non-euclidean geometry ("aaah... those ANGLES....")

[Lambda posting his/her HPL survival guide inspired me to post this Smiley]
Oh, and it's "his".  Wink
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MediaGhost
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« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2011, 01:57:21 PM »

I told her, "you better be careful, if they can correlate the contents of that mine, they may go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."

Great.  Now I have coffee all over my keyboard.   Cheesy
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Bob Lovecraft
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« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2011, 08:47:04 AM »

15. You become increasingly obsessed with cats, not because of any particular affintity for them, but as protection when the Black Gallies come to take you into Moonbeast slavery.

16. When you sneeze, it sounds incredibly like "F'THAGN!!"

Bob
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MediaGhost
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« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2011, 03:41:15 PM »

17.  You just can't stay away from the albino gorilla at the zoo.
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Ruth - CthulhuChick
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« Reply #8 on: June 20, 2011, 09:06:42 PM »

When you get to #6, you know you've really really been reading too much Lovecraft & need to step back. Wink

As for the others, I have no idea what's wrong with that. Tongue
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TheMediocreYoungishOne -Tom-
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« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2011, 03:13:26 PM »

18. You keep the air conditioning on even in winter.
19. You hear a bee buzzing near your window and run screaming in terror.
20. You create and/or contribute to a list such as this. Wink
21. You watch a PBS special on the pineal gland and are disappointed when nothing is purple.
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"I never ask a man what his business is, for it never interests me. What I ask him about are his thoughts and dreams." H.P. Lovecraft - In a letter to Maurice W. Moe, January 1929
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« Reply #10 on: June 21, 2011, 03:57:17 PM »

22. You suddenly think, hey, this text should be divided into chapter and verse, like the Bible, and printed on rice paper and bound in some kind of leather.
23. You forget that shew and aeroplane are archaic spellings for the majority of the world. You begin using complete sentences when you speak and write, and lose any fear you might have had of independent clauses and long sentences. Casual acquaintances begin to shun your company and you in turn seek for a certain erudition in your interlocutors, often in vain.
24. You pay more attention to sunsets, stars and dreams.
25. You understand life is a kind of cruel joke, and you will soon die, but you also realize that life is a much crueler joke on some worlds, and mercifully you have incarnated in a sheltered harbour of cosmic tyranny, and perhaps even encounter others who recognize this is all true.
26. You suddenly wake up with the desire to take the next bus to Providence, to make your way to the old wharves via Benefit Street and to plunge into the depths of the bay, down and down, to a rendezvous with destiny off Devils Reef leading to the depths of Ocean beyond the narrow continental shelf where you will frolic and desport with instinctual abandon among your ancient clan, freed at last of the thin veneer of civilization which for so long has hindered and hampered your innermost desire to descend again to the strange stone temple festooned with the detritus of dark millennia predating the advent of man where a triangle whose vertex is coequal with the pinnacle of the ancient masonry containing what could be mistaken for a human eye but which is in fact a tentacled amorphous being from beyond graces yet gleaming Cyclopean pilasters of an alien alloy of bismuth, tungsten, phosphorus and an unknown element descending to a jet black plinth fully four times the area of the entire edifice and punctuated where it is visible above the dross by eerie sparkling influoresences generated by some unknown force interacting with careful inlays of mica; although the visible portion of the antedeluvian artifice terminates at the dark yet luminous socle field, you are drawn deeper still, to darker chambers even less elucidated over measureless aeons by the solar penetrations of the tenebrous abyss. You know what I mean?
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Phil
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« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2011, 11:11:18 PM »

Ia 26.   BINGO!   Grin
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yumegari
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« Reply #12 on: June 22, 2011, 09:54:00 PM »

...
19. You hear a bee buzzing near your window and run screaming in terror.
...

... I run screaming from bees anyway...  >.>
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yumegari
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« Reply #13 on: June 22, 2011, 09:58:07 PM »

27.  You begin ascribing terrible or at least unspeakably annoying things to various Outer Gods (such as Nyarlathotep being responsible for phone menus or Oprah being an avatar of Cthulhu...)

28.  You ponder the terrible things that might lurk in the geneology (sp?) of anyone who looks a bit odd.
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osyrisdiamond
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« Reply #14 on: June 22, 2011, 10:23:28 PM »

29. ...you use words like "cyclopian", "antediluvian", "non-Euclidian", "gibbous", and "unnamable" in your normal vocabulary.
30.  ...you dance horribly to appease the gods.
31. ...fear that Lovecraft might not have liked you because you might look like a foreigner.
32. ...you petition genealogy.com (and similar sites) to be banned.
33. ...you count The Satanic Bible and The Anarchist's Cookbook as harmless Sunday reads.
34. ...an obituary notice sounds like a blind for something sinister.
35. ...flute playing makes you plead to Azathoth for mercy.
36. ...you are disappointed that Lovecraft's contribution to a given topic or invention was not mentioned.
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"It is good to be a cynic... better to be a contented cat... best not to exist at all. Universal suicide is the most logical thing... we reject it only because of our primitive cowardice... If we were sensible we would seek death—the same blissful blank which we enjoyed before we existed." -HPL
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